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How Your Response Has the Power to Encourage or Destroy in Your Marriage

The Importance of Building Up Your Husband in Your Marriage

If only our marriages were as easy and mess-free as we portray them to be on the outside; to our friends, families, co-workers, and on social media. I know I for one am far from a perfect wife. And my actions prove that…

When 5am rolled around this morning, I woke up feeling like I’d run a marathon in my sleep. My warm cozy bed begged me to not to leave, but I had to against my own will. After 5 days on the go with not much sleep, I was not prepared to face the day. I sleepily got ready and meandered to the kitchen. It was in disarray with dishes left out from the night before, crumbs and breakfast food all over the counter, bits of who knows what sticking to my feet on the floors, the burners caked with last week’s dinner, the counters stained with coffee around the coffee pot, and the sink looking like it was ready for its Clorox Bleach commercial “before” photo to be taken. My blood started to rise, and only progressed as my husband left in a rush for work, leaving this glorious mess for me to clean up.

At first, I could feel the anger start to boil in my chest, but it unexpectedly turned to a tightness in my throat and a million bricks weighing down on my chest. I felt defeated. Exhausted. Overwhelmed. All I wanted was to eat my breakfast in a calm, clean environment without spending my morning stressing out over the list of things I now have to clean when I get home from my 10 hour work day. I made a note in my head to express to my husband when he got home from work how I’m not the only one around here who can clean. He needs to help pull the weight too. Mind you, at the time I’m not thinking about the many things my husband had graciously helped me with the night before without me asking him to.

Interrupting my rush of frustration, my alarm on my phone that I set every night went off. It was the song “I choose Jesus” by Moriah Peters and the alarm said “Breakfast and Jesus”. It was my daily reminder to spend time with Jesus over my morning meal. My rotten mood suddenly melted away and I was filled with sorrow that I allowed something so minor to affect my morning in a major way. I sat down at the table and opened my Bible. Before me was a verse that couldn’t have come at a better time. “May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” (emphasis added)

When my husband comes home, exhausted from his 10 hour work day, is it going to build him up to fire at him a million things I think he’s doing wrong? Is that a good way for me to encourage him as his wife and supporter? Or is that going to make him feel inferior, worthless, and disrespected…

Is it possible that I’m not the perfect one in this situation? (Absolutely yes.) Am I choosing to focus on what he did “wrong” this morning rather than all the things he did to help me last night? (Yes.) And most importantly of all, is it really the end of the world if our home gets a bit messy? No, of course not. It proves that we are human and we don’t live in a magazine. And the bigger picture shows that every day won’t be storybook perfect and that’s where grace needs to be our response.

As Luke’s wife, I am his helper. His supporter. His encourager. So I must ask myself, do my actions speak louder than my words? Am I serving Luke and loving him through all things like I said I would on our wedding day? Or am I letting little insignificant issues cause my words to tear him down.

Today, I choose to build my husband up. And tomorrow, and the next day. And while I know I won’t ever be perfect at this, through prayer and dedication I know the Lord will help me become less focused on silly wants such as a perfectly clean kitchen and more focused on respecting my husband, encouraging him, validating him, and loving him. We are our husbands’ help mate, and it’s important we don’t take that roll lightly but rather lovingly as we help our husbands (Genesis 2:18), respect our husbands (Ephesians 5:33), love our husbands (Titus 2:4), and submit to the leadership of our husbands (Ephesians 5:22).Other Posts You Might Like:

Is Prayer Really That Important?

How To Make Jesus Part Of Your Everyday Life

How Your Encouragement Can Dramatically Impact Others’ Lives

(Not Your Mothers’) Christian Music Workout Playlist

The #1 Way To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others:

20 Ways To Show Your Husband Love Today

How To Put Jesus First In Your Marriage

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The Importance of Building Up Your Husband in Your Marriage


  1. Sally says

    Thanks for the inspiring reminder, Mere, to encourage our husbands instead of discouraging them with our critical frustrations. God is teaching you well! For such a newly wed, you have some great advice!

  2. Emily says

    Wonderfully written! Goodness, it is encouraging to read that someone else is learning the same sorts of things I am in marriage! ?
    “And the bigger picture shows that every day won’t be storybook perfect and that’s where grace needs to be our response.” so very true. Grace is the glue God uses to unite husband and wife as one, I’m convinced!

    • MeredithH says

      Thanks so much, Emily! Absolutely, I think we will never stop learning throughout the journey of marriage. And I agree! Grace is absolutely necessary in an imperfect relationship. Just like God shows us immense grace, we also need to show grace to our spouses. Thanks so much for your encouragement!!

  3. Emilie says

    This is exactly what I needed to read today, but I’m still struggling to let go of the frustration with my husband. Our kitchen is in exactly the same state today, and it feels like my husband won’t scrub it clean, and I feel incapable to handle it right now. I desperately need advice on how to let go of the anger and frustration; how to do the hard work graciously and not hold a grudge. How do you forgive when the frustrations pile on?

    • MeredithH says

      Thanks for your comment Emilie! I’m sorry you are feeling frustrated and like your husband isn’t willing to help. Have you spoken honestly to your husband about your feelings when you’re calm and not in the heat of the moment?

      And you shouldn’t have to do all of the work without your husband’s help, so maybe you could come up with a schedule or something that works for you and him both. For example, if you make dinner, he cleans the kitchen that night or vise versa. Your frustrations will most definitely pile on if you’re doing all the work and he’s not helping. However, if he IS helping you out in other areas and you’re being quick to overlook that, remember that and try to focus on the positive. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten upset with my husband about how he wasn’t helping me enough when in reality he was helping me in other ways, I was just focusing more on what he WASN’T doing rather than what he was.

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